No, I was not drunk....but I wish I was numb...

This morning I headed off early to make sure I had time to check in at the office before heading to the hall. To have seen my driving, you would have thought that I had a pint of something cheap in a paper bag with my pumpkin empanada for breakfast. I hadn't. And I hadn't consumed any alcohol at all on Tuesday to have left me hungover or anything. The wind was gusting faster than I was driving...still is. The winds coming out of the west and southwest are blowing so fiercely today. You can hear them whistle around the windows, and even the water in the toilet bowl sloshes from side to side from the air in the vent pipe. As soon as I got to the hall, the power started flickering...never a good sign at the start of the day, though it stayed on most of the day. I met many more people in town today, but not under great circumstances. The community rallied and pulled together at the last minute for a funeral luncheon this morning. More people brought food than attended the services or luncheon, and I can only imagine the piles and piles of leftovers. We got the call on Friday that a two month old died. The parents, terribly young, just moved to Cimarron from California. Her father is here, but they know nobody and have no support network here. What a time for grief! I have spoken with the mom several times in the last couple days preparing for the luncheon and planning around the windy weather. I wish my brain didn't automatically turn on the "Hi how are you?" when I am on the phone. Really, am I asking a mother who has lost her two month old son how she is doing? Do I really want her to answer when I can hear that her voice is already raw from days of tears? How easy it is for me to get so distracted with so many other things until I am on the phone, and it isn't business as usual. Nobody knows for sure why the baby died, if it was sudden or drawn out; I heard it might have been from complication from the baby being sick when he received a series of shots at his last check-up or possibly SIDS. No matter what the reason, my heart broke open when I saw that little casket. I went to the graveside service in support of the family and representing the staff as Father couldn't be there. The casket sat there. Tiny and white. The little handles on the side. It looked more like a child's toy, appeared extraordinarily light as one man lifted it into place before we threw baby roses and dirt in the grave. The wind was pushing us over. Those huddled with their back to the wind had a better spot than the few of us facing into it, leaning so hard that we would have all landed on our noses if the wind just stopped. The grit and sand we cleaned out of our eyelashes and dusted from our cheeks were substantial and a little muddy in the corners of our eyes where they mingled with tears. I couldn't hear much of what the mother said, as the wind carried away her voice, but I did catch that he had just watched his first movie and he had laughed for the first time, though there are so many other firsts he will never have. She reminded us all to cherish what we have. There were pictures at the hall afterward, and he looked like his daddy. There were some great silly shots, lots of smiles and love. It's hard to concentrate on anything when I try to imagine the grief and pain such young people are trying to cope with - sometimes we have to have faith because nothing else makes sense. They created a fund at the local bank, and many have contributed to help the family. So many people prepared food for the luncheon. Being new to town and experiencing this for the first time, I can only say that the sadness and empathy I feel for these young parents is countered with gladness for the outpouring of support of strangers for these two young people. The Ladies Auxiliary of the local fire department said "yes" when I called for their help, as Chris instructed me. I don't even know who most of these women are, but they showed up and showed me how good hospitality can look. And though I wish I were numb to the sadness, I am glad to feel how generous the community is.