Thinking about Decisions

Day two on the job...but more importantly, a day of contemplation... A friend was telling me that a decision can be brave for one reason and cowardly for another, but it feels like only one description can be right. I was raised with a pretty overactive need to right. I knew there was a difference between right and wrong, and the consequences for being wrong were perceived as far worse than necessary. I struggle to make decisions sometimes for the fear of being wrong. But who gets to decide which is the right description? And is it really their decision? Is it just there opinion because who cares what other people think? Shouldn't it only matter that the decision is right to me? I want to believe I am brave. Sometimes life feels like a habit. For good or bad, we can do something for a long time without recognizing that each day we make a choice to do it again. I loved working at Metro CareRing for seven years, but I decided one day that I wasn't able to keep making that choice everyday. I wanted to make other choices. And then sometimes there is just enough struggle to balance the blessings that I know I choose my lifestyle everyday. I am looking for a new car, and the decisions haven't been easy, but I did narrow my field down to a Honda Civic (again) because I want to have a super fuel-efficient car. Now I just have to narrow down year, model and mileage. I found a new job that doesn't pay well in money, but the reward to do something I love, to serve people, makes the struggles worth it. Relationships, consumption, diet, transportation, housing, employment, entertainment, waste...things I think about a lot. I am not the only one. This is comforting. Even more comforting are my friendships with people who support me where I am. I may not post before Valentine's Day because I am headed to Montana tomorrow for a wedding. Mary said at dinner that she is boycotting/protesting Valentine's Day, our national day of chocolate consumption and flower purchasing intended to remind us of love. To spite her boycot, I am publicly sending this bit of love her way. She and I met in August of 2000. Seven and a half years later we are still friends. What's more, we have been roommates since September of 2001. How lucky am I!! I love you...